(Click here to skip down to the winning “good idea/ bad idea” jokes)
The Major-General’s Song, as rewritten by Sir Mix-a-Lot
The Major-General’s Song,
as rewritten by Sir Mix-a-Lot(via Duncan Stevens)
I am the very model of a pro-butt individual,
My derriere enthusiasm’s not at all residual.
If someone’s claiming otherwise, then that’s a tale apocryphal!
There’s no dissimulating my proclivities buttockryphal! . . .
Yes, it’s time for another song contest! This one was suggested by Astonishingly Prolific Loser Duncan Stevens (especially when it comes to song parodies):
Write humorous first-person lyrics for a song “by” some particular person, set to any well-known tune (or, if you want to make your own video, you could even write your own tune).
The results that will run in the print Post, including the top four winners, will be songs set to very well-known music so that readers can sing along. (Online the inking entries will appear with links to the music.) While the example above, because of limited space, is just half a verse, your own parody should be at least one full verse. See this week’s entry form for more instructions about how to submit your entries, and this week’s Style Conversational column for more about Invite songs in general.
Submit up to 25 entries (hey, we have some amazing songwriters in the Loser Community!) at wapo.st/enter-invite-1459 (no capitals in the Web address). Since songs (not to mention videos) ought to take some polishing, we give you a week longer than usual:
Deadline is Monday, Nov. 8; results appear Nov. 21 in print, Nov. 18 online.
Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a set of four
Dog Corn Holders, specifically the front and back ends of a dachshund that you push into your cob, rather than the usual corn-shaped holders. Because, uh, you want to pretend that you’re biting with gusto into the midsection of a dog? Whatever, the cob impalers are made of an attractive dark poly-something resin. Donated by Loser Sarah Walsh.
Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “U-turns of Phrase” is by Tom Witte; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you’re thinking of entering a song for Week 1459, see this week’s (published late Thursday, Oct. 21) at wapo.st/conv1459.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
U-turns of phrase: Good ideas/bad ideas from Week 1455
Week 1455 was a wordplay contest in which we asked for good ideas changed slightly into bad ideas. The Empress received more than 1,400 entries, many of which were
Good idea: Get covid vaccine. Bad idea: Get covid-19.
Good idea: Get covid vaccine.
Bad idea: Get covid-19.
Good idea: Having large church coffers.
Bad idea: Having large church coughers.
(Scott Richards, Hollywood, Md.)
Good idea: Putting sugar in your tea.
Bad idea: Putin sugaring your tea.
(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
and the Belgian hat with fingers:
Good idea: Striving to be more of a caring person.
Bad idea: Striving to be more of a “Karen” person.
(Frank Mann, Washington)
And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:
Good idea: Getting your cues from science.
Bad idea: Getting your science from Q.
(Ryan Martinez, Takoma Park, Md.)
Faintest ideas: Honorable mentions
Good idea: Leave your audience wanting more.
Bad idea: Leave your audience wanting morphine.
(Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.)
Good idea: Feeling that you ran the best race.
Bad idea: Feeling that you are the best race. (Jesse Frankovich)
Good idea: Rekindle an old flame.
Bad idea: Rekindle an old flame anywhere in California.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Good idea: Trust in science.
Bad idea: Trust in seance. (Kevin Dopart)
Good idea: Backing up your computer.
Bad idea: Backing up over your computer.
(Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
Good idea: “We’re off to see the Wizard!”
Bad idea: “We’re off to see the Wizards.”
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
Good idea: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Bad idea: A peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.
(Mary Giorgis, Crofton, Md.)
Good idea: Childproof gates.
Bad idea: Child with Gaetz.
(Becky Foster, Falls Church, Va., a First Offender)
Good idea: Making a resolution on Jan. 1.
Bad idea: Making a revolution on Jan. 6.
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Good idea : Conquering your demons.
Bad idea: Concurring with your demons.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Good idea: Hitting a ball into the crowd after winning in tennis.
Bad idea: Throwing a ball into the crowd after winning in bowling. (Bird Waring)
Good idea: Disinfect your phone.
Bad idea: Disinfect your phone in the washing machine.
(Lauren Shaham, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender)
Good idea: Filling your mouth with a warm beignet.
Bad idea: Filling your mouth with warm Bengay.
(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
Good idea: Get coffee on a first date.
Bad idea: Get coughy on a first date. (Ryan Martinez)
Good idea: Always handling guns like they’re loaded.
Bad idea: Always handling guns like you’re loaded.
(Donald Norum, Charlottesville, Va., a First Offender)
Good idea: Giving Trump a run for his money.
Bad idea: Giving Trump money for his run. (Frank Mann)
Good idea: SNL kicks off the season with Owen Wilson.
Bad idea: WFT kicks off the season with 0 and 1. (Frank Mann)
Good idea: Brag about partying with Prince Harry.
Bad idea: Brag about partying with Prince Andrew. (Duncan Stevens)
Good Idea: Hunting using a blind.
Bad Idea: Hunting using a blindfold.
(John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)
Good idea: Inviting schoolchildren to visit your office.
Bad idea: Inviting schoolchildren to visit your orifice.
(Byron Miller, Cobble Hill, B.C.)
Good idea: Make Indian food.
Bad idea: Mock Indian food.
(Michael Cohen, Greenbelt, Md., who last got Invite ink in 2002)
Good idea: Preferred pronouns.
Bad idea: Preferred capItaLizATionS. (Jeff coNtoMPaSis, Ashburn, Va.)
Good idea: Surprise your kids with the trampoline of their dreams.
Bad idea: Surprise your kids with the trampling of their dreams.
(Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)
Good idea: Doing a cannonball into the pool.
Bad idea: Doing a cannonball onto a pool table. (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)
Good idea: Taking a vacation with your boss’s OK.
Bad idea: Taking a vacation with your boss’s SO. (Jesse Frankovich)
Good idea: Giving away shots of Johnson & Johnson.
Bad idea: Giving away shots of your johnson. (Frank Mann)
Good idea: Vote green.
Bad idea: Vote Greene.
(Steve Leifer, Potomac, Md.)
Good idea: Wage a good fight for poor workers.
Bad idea: Fight a good wage for poor workers.
(Ward Foeller, Charlottesville, Va.)
Good idea: You want to go golfing and your wife says it’s fine.
Bad idea: You want to go golfing and your wife says, “Fine.”
(Glen Matheson, Bay Shore, N.Y.)
Good idea: You’re in the pink.
Bad idea: Urine, pink.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)
Good idea: Post pics of your son in his suit on his birthday.
Bad idea: Post pics of your son in his birthday suit.
(Drew Bennett, Rogers, Ark.)
Good idea: Date Lab.
Bad idea: Date a Lab. (Ryan Martinez)
Good idea: Motivate your employees with gentle persuasion.
Bad idea: Motivate your employees with genital persuasion.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
Good idea: Enjoying entering The Style Invitational again.
Bad idea: Being enjoined from ever entering The Style Invitational again.
(Larry Yungk, Wyoming, Ohio)
Good idea: Being chosen by Pat Myers.
Bad idea: Being chosen by Michael Myers.
(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Oct. 25: Our contest to play around with TV show titles. See wapo.st/invite1458.
DON’T MISS AN INVITE! Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.
Source : https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/style-invitational-week-1459-and-we-quote-it-s-parody-time/ar-AAPNbPJ2183